It was not very long after 9pm today, just the usual emergency that happened to humanity;i forgot to buy my vitamin tab from the Roban stores. So i decided to take ogui junction off 82 division all in Enugu state capital in Nigeria. Instead of patronising my neighbour as usual, i decided again to cruise in the serenity of the street lights cruising down slowly from ogui junction to otigba roundabout;as someone who has just bought a new car from hustling.
Then something terrible happened;i met the shock of my life as per mugu wey i be,while cruising i stretched my eyes far toward otigba,lo and behold, for the sake of truth, i saw two beautiful slayqueens triangulating, one was richly endowed and the other was the perfect opposit though very beautiful too.any way i won’t say i was carried away;its just normal site seeing.
Then something terrible happened again, just for me to return back my eyes to my senses, the driver in the car i was following who was also admiring the slayqueens marched automatic brake and waved those girls to himself alone and immediately the girls ran towards him without minding i was coming behind. I with reckless announce stopped my car too to pick quarrel from the reckless driver now because i just have a small car,i nearly forgot i was a gentle man.
Again, something terrible happened, as i approach the man…chai mugu!! I started hearing self praises from the slayqueens as if they were rhythmically dragging the man…chai as mugu way i be since i don’t know what’s going on. Now the driver was inside his car steaming his engine slowly while the two girls was standing in the driver side and i mugu was outside standing also towards the passengers area.
The fat one said: oga i carry beta kpomo.tested and confirmed by my numerous customers. Making a 90 degree movement.
The slim one said: oga i carry beta Congolese kpekus.i carry atm machine that allows only deposit no withdrawal.
The fat one slowly pushed the slim one towards me and gave her signs to trap me instead of dragging the man with her.then the slim one came to me and said:oga you needam?
Chai! Mugu!! Is then i realize what’s going on and i said to myself in whisper..mugu..i will see to finish!.
As i did not respond to the slim one she moved back to thier customer, then the big one said: oga don’t mind this small pin;chop something big today and big big favour go de follow you.
The man now ask the fat one:How much per Nyu?
The fat one said: Tenkpa per Nyu;fiftykpa per Nyu without. The slim one said her own is twenty kpa per Nyu (per Nyu means per release for people that doesn’t….)because she’s still under24
The man said why tenkpa upon all the scarcity of money in the country.
The fat one said: oga!!sir,as you can see ,i be full options i carryam for font and i gather for back. I be heavy-duty mandesiel,if you carry me you no need mattress you no need pillow. In short come taste am one corner sharp sharp before we move.
Chail mugu,instead of me to drive away, i stands pinned in akimbo,though I don’t live that kind of life but i started developing full interest. If i carry one now which hotel should I go,what excuse will i present to my wife…this and that…as they are bargaining i was thinking if how where what….chai mugu.
The slim one said:oga beta product no dey do advert.good material dey sell imself.person wey sabi don sabi. For thi business i be no 1 they no born the person wey go chop me runaway baba na me dey run for them.oga they no dey price my kpekus.wetin you wear fir hand you no dey carry mirror lookam.this my friend here carry beta kpomo sha make i no lie but i know watin i carry too.i no be nepa way dey bring light take am na steady firing. As you see me as kekenapep for outside na trailer engine wey i carry so.i dey like shrine once you chop me na good luck be your name, my kpekus dey bless yahoo boys.
As the slim one was speaking, something terrible happened again, now i don’t know when i draw her to myself and drag her to my car and said to her:Babe will you consider me?and she said:don’t baby me,iam here for business, tenkpa or nothin.
Chai mugu! I quickly searched my wallet and i don’t have upto 10k and as God may have it i don’t even have my Atm card.i said:babe;can i just do testing for fivekpa? She said:No testability. Chai mugu,what will i do now?i said ok go let me call the fat one since she offered the other guy testing for free.as i look the other guy have taken her away.
I said:ok babe can i do transfer?she said:no problem but no alert no kpekus.i brought out my phone to do the transfer and i remembered that my wife will receive the alert on her phone. Chai mugu ,as i was thinking of what to do my phone ranged and it was my wife calling. As i picked the call ,she said:Honey where are you?and i answered:Ehm…ehm…ehm.another i heard was :Honey Angela said she saw you very close to otigba,what are you doing there my love?i couldn’t answer but said am coming and cut the call.
The lady rushed me and grabbed my clothes and said in exclamation:Oh…oh…oh…oh you are even married!!you must pay me tenkpa now now.you cannot come here and spoil my market and run away .i said:Ok that’s fine let me go inside my car and get money to settle you.she left me and went and grabbed my steering.
I went inside and luckily for me, as inside my car was dark,i grabbed my children’s toy gun and point it at her.she shouted “JESUS!!!!.
I took off and drive back home but i don’t know that night life in Enugu was so sweet especially with the street lights everywhere and beautiful slayqueens to chill with.
Next time i will have tenkpa in my wallet and thank God i escaped from that slayqueen what would i have told my wife??Mugu!!!!!
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